Dating in a Pandemic!!

If there was a single true representation of my dating life, then this is it!!

Me: I think I’m ready to date again…
The Universe: Oh yeah? *releases worldwide virus preventing all human interaction
Me: Well played.

Memes have definitely exploded in numbers lately and there doesn’t seem to be a second that goes by when I’m not tagged in one, or open up my messages to a barrage of them. When I came across that one it made me chuckle so much that I thought I would write a little post about dating during a global pandemic. Knowing my luck my “Mr Right” was probably meant to be crossing my path during this last month, but thanks to Covid 19 he’s now a goner. 😉

Offline dating seems near impossible nowadays, so throw in a 2-metre distance rule and you can say goodbye to the perfect little meet cute! Unless of course you lock eyes with the Amazon delivery driver as he wings a parcel up your garden path ( no innuendo intended).

So online dating is pretty much the most effective way to communicate with a potential date right now. With the forced nature of staying in we now have a prolonged period of time to get to know someone in a little more detail. Details that extend beyond more than just their occupation and where they enjoy going out for dinner.

Online dating has become ( in my eyes) so fast paced you feel a little bit like a piece of sushi at Yo Sushi… whizzing around the conveyor belt until you tickle someone’s fancy. Then, before you know it you’ve been shoved to one side and stacked with the rest of them whilst they crack on with the next! It has become easy to write someone off so soon thinking there is someone better out there. I feel this time now offers the opportunity to really get to know someone a little more. Slowing down that fast paced dating life we have become so accustomed to, giving someone more of a chance.  

With this in mind I thought I would create a little pros and cons list of dating during this time. 😊

+ Dating can sometimes feel like a full time job. We have now been offered the opportunity to invest in some quality time to get to know someone without so many everyday distractions.

x The unknown time frames of when you can actually meet is a little hard, BUT there is an element of excitement when it comes to the creativity of creating a virtual first date. This could be via Zoom or Facetime and can be a dinner date or a quiz… keep it fun and light- hearted. An extra bonus is you can blame your crappy Wi-Fi signal if you want to cut the date short…. No having to think of some awful excuse to get yourself out of an awkward date…. WINNER!!

+ On the flip side if you have become a little tired with the tedious realm of dating this time can provide the perfect little rest bite. It can offer a pause and the opportunity to work on your own hobbies and past times. This understanding of your genuine passions and interests may open up and offer new connections later down the line.

+ Apps like Tinder have become renowned for a quick fling which thankfully is a no go zone during the pandemic. This increases the chances of more genuine people setting up a profile for something a little more serious.  Finally the opportunity to  match with someone who is truly interested in getting to know YOU on a deeper level…. More than anything a quick drink at the local pub can uncover.

x A restricted radius makes it’s a little tricky to come across new connections. This could have meant that the postman is the only new connection that would pop up each day. Apps like Tinder and Bumble however, have made this a little easier by offering a passport/travel mode feature allowing you to set your location to somewhere else in the world. Cue finding yourself a cute American… a girl can dream of moving to the States right?

x The spark and excitement can feel like it’s lost quite quickly in lockdown as days can often feel a little bit like groundhog day.
Conversation can feel like it’s drying up or just simply not that exciting if all your days are the same. DON’T FORCE IT. This whole situation is one that’s out of the norm for all of us. Don’t see it as a sign you are not compatible, but just manage each other’s expectation of how you’re feeling. Keep things fresh and exciting and don’t feel like you have to text all day every day. And obviously those conversations that bore the tits off you don’t feel like you have to continue to entertain them at all.

+ Because time for once is a little more on our side how about expanding beyond your normal type? Be open to initiating conversations with someone that doesn’t fit your usual go to! We have the time to explore and get to know different people. This doesn’t always have to come from a romantic place, but a place to learn new things and make connections with new people. I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful friends since being single and dating, so don’t always see it as a quest for love interests.

Don’t forget it’s also ok to put a pause on dating during this time, scrap that… actually it’s ok to put a pause on it anytime. Scrap the idea that there is a time frame in which you should meet someone. If you’re not enjoying it, take a break. Dating is meant to be fun and exciting...  what is meant for you will never pass you by.

Side note….. Thoughts go out to all the players and serial cheaters who I’m sure are really struggling during this time 😉 shame that !!!!

I would love to hear how you are navigating your way through singledom in lockdown.

*Image credit for the first image is Pratik Gupta 
**Image credit for the second image is Charles Deluvio
***Image credit for the third image is Free as a mustard seed

Life in Lockdown...

I have questioned whether to write about this, as I like many others have been trying to avoid the C word as much as possible. I then thought about my motivation to create this blog. It was heavily inspired by how I’m winging my way through life, and doing what I feel is right for me in that moment.

 I think we can agree we are all truly trying to wing it during this time, and attempting to navigate our way through this adapted norm. I want to make it clear that by writing this post is not a way of making this time seem all sunshine and rainbows. I am simply trying to seek out the little opportunities and make what I can of this extremely difficult situation.

I also thought it would act as a useful reminder to myself of the little things I took pleasure in when everything goes back to normal ( what ever that may look like). If life becomes a little hectic and stressful again I have this as a prompt and a reminder of a simpler way of living.

So here it is….

Stay Home 

I’m not denying the painful time people are currently experiencing, the lives that are being lost, and the sheer strength and heroism of our key workers. The strength and resilience of all those staying at home, those trying to juggle an impossible work load of being a parent, partner and business person all rolled into one… I salute you.
 But life in lockdown has us all coping in our own ways, and so I thought I would share how I’m keeping busy. 

Just because society is telling you to do yoga, bake banana bread and learn a new language, if these things aren’t what you enjoy doing, DON’T F***ING DO THEM! No amount of downward dog and dough kneading is going to make you feel better, or your life more fulfilled if these things don’t bring you pleasure. This is a time to discover or rediscover what exactly it is that brings you happiness. If this is staying snuggled watching a boxset, then make sure you have a damn good set of snacks and enjoy doing just that! Get rid of the damn guilt. 

I have also learnt not to try and push your hobbies and interests onto others, or be offended if they don’t spark the same enjoyment or happiness for them as they do you. Find out what it is they love and be their cheerleader.

As some one who likes to be in control ( yes I said it, I’m a little bit of a control freak) this whole situation can very quickly feel super overwhelming. It was therefore important to me to focus on the things I can control and see it as a time to form new habits.

Health and fitness:
One thing I was adamant I wanted to control was my health and fitness. I feel I am the queen of starting a new crash diet plan. Then promptly falling off the wagon a short week into trying something new. Dinners out or plans with friends always take priority and I quickly find my work undone and being back to doing the funny jig to put my jeans on and feeling crappy about how I look in clothes. Just before we went into lockdown I started on Lindsay Beales  CFL course….. this has completely changed my mindset surrounding food and exercise. My goals are an element I have control over during this time which has given me a really good focus. I'm therefore hoping to come out of lockdown a little less chubs. 

Calligraphy: 
I have always been completely addicted to stationery and have always wanted to learn calligraphy. Thanks to Imogen Owen's online course, and a wonderful workshop with Bethan at Flick & Flourish (that I completed before lockdown) I have fallen in love with this style of writing.
 Mindfulness and yoga are both something I’ve tried in the past to help establish that sense of zen. Yet historically with very little success! The second I pick up my nib and ink I go into a complete present space where worry and over thinking completely disperses. I've definitely learnt it's important to find out what works for you to de-stress and helps bring you peace.... What works for one person may not work the same for you, and that's ok.
This is a hobby I have completely fallen in love with so I will do a separate post all about this later.

Books: 
My “to read” pile is ever growing and I normally feel guilty about sitting and reading a book, feeling like I should be using this time “being busy” and more productive. During this time I have loved nothing more than sitting in the garden or a comfy chair in the kitchen with a cup of something hot and a good read. This is something I want to continue doing as part of my weekly routine.

So far I have read:

• The Modern Break Up
• The Cactus
• Little fires everywhere ( our most recent book club read)
• Countless articles in Red magazine

I would love to hear what you have been reading and enjoying.

Declutter:

This is something that I’ve needed to do for so so long. Not just a little wardrobe clear out or organising the airing cupboard, but a full top to bottom house declutter. I’ve been tackling a room every couple of days and so far managed to sort out a significant amount of stuff to get rid of. Once lockdown is lifted, I will look to sell some items and take the rest to charity. This has decluttered more than just the house and I feel so much less suffocated by stuff!!! I am able to get my hands on projects I wish to complete rather than feeling the overwhelming sense of having too many things pending.

Baking:
You can’t go through a single scroll of Instagram without being bombarded with countless bakes and buns. I have yet to jump on the bread baking wagon but have enjoyed making an apple cake and brownies for family member's birthdays. I am going to look at being a little more experimental with baking little treats for friends and family.

Journaling: 
My journal has never seen so much action!! Creating my morning pages has really helped make sense of the thoughts whizzing round my head. Morning pages are simply a way of doing a brain offload onto the paper.... there doesn't have to be any kind of structure or correlation to what you write, just allow yourself to write freely. I always aim to write about 3 pages of A5. I find this has really helped during this time, and doesn't always have to be done in the morning. You can be a rebel and do it in the evening if you find that a more suitable time to offload before bed.

Music: 

Music will forever be such a saviour. When you are happy you hear the tune, when you are sad you hear the words. This is so true and I have taken such grateful pleasure in those moments of solitude  to create the perfect playlist to compliment my mood. Whether I have needed to dance around the kitchen or just take a little moment of sadness I have been grateful to so many incredibly talented artists. 

Also a mini virtual fist pump in celebration of The High Low podcast being back!!  

Group chats and mini catch ups have also been a beautiful and heartfelt filled moment during this time. Knowing you are surrounded by the most incredible people is the most important thing in the world.

There are days I have exercised, done a full skincare routine, baked and ticked everything off my to do list. And others where I have stayed in my pj's sipping endless cups of tea and working my way through the Desperate Housewives’ boxset. Both I have come to realise are completely ok. We put so much pressure on overachieving all the time when actually listening to what your body and mind want are sometimes the biggest and most successful achievement of them all.

However and what ever you are doing in lockdown, know you are doing a marvellous job.And if the biggest thing you have done today is put on socks that match then go you beautiful one! 

*   Photo credit for the first image is Christopher Harris.
** Photo credit for the final image is Logan Weaver 

A Dating Blog...

I never had to date. I met my ex through mutual friends whilst we were still at school. The era where you sent your best mate notes in class signed off Mrs... and then your fancy boys' surname! Backs of books would be filled with different versions of how your signature would look when you got married! Doing that now it's likely I would be locked up pretty swiftly, but back then it was the result of having a crush!

 I didn't even have a phone when we first met, so we got to know each other via MSN messenger, that nostalgic dial up tone would fill my ears whilst butterflies filled my tummy as I would wait for his name to appear on the pop up notification. The next few years involved our parents dropping us to each others houses, and going on shopping and cinema dates. I didn't know that the first time I hopped on the train into town to meet him would end up in a 10 year relationship. Developing the kind of love that utterly consumes your whole existence... Cue first love ♥
We lived our formative years together, growing up and growing into the people we were thought we were meant to be as young adults. He however had a very different view of how our future was going to look. So, in 2016 I was thrown into my late twenties as a single female who had literally no idea how to be without someone by my side; let alone having to date and get to know a complete stranger all over again.
A little while after we split, I was more shoved than welcomed into the world of dating and jeez what a journey!

4 years on I've rode the waves of self discovery ( no dating related pun intended!!!), I've truly discovered who I am as a stand alone individual, and not just as one that comes as a pair.
 I've dated younger guys, I've dated older guys and I've dated pretty much all in between!
I have been introduced to the wonders of ghosting and benching, and what it feels like to be rejected and to be the rejector. I would go as far as saying I have done the ground work when it comes to finding "The One".
I have gathered a bank of the most hilarious dating stories and I've lost count of the number of times friends have told me I need to write a book.

So whilst I can only hope one day I land a big book deal, for now here is my introduction into the wonderful world of my dating history over the last 48 months. I'm going to share my experiences, my tips ( purely my advice not a law to abide by) in the hope to make you smile and laugh along with me ( hopefully not too much at me!).

Online dating has become a disposable outlet to attempt to find your happy ever after. It comes with positive and negatives and I'm excited, albeit a little nervous to use this platform as an open space to share my experiences.

I would love to hear about your dating experiences in this modern world!

The Dirty Devil Stampede

Three weeks into 2020 and my first challenge is complete.

The thought of running through mud and icy water for 10 km seemed a task only mad, keen runners would participate in. That was until I found out its location... I couldn't have signed up quick enough once I realised the race was at Bovington Army Camp - burning calories whilst potentially bumping into my future husband seemed like a win win situation!!

Sadly there was no army hotties in sight, but the race itself was epic! Nothing short of an absolute blast that comes with running a Bustinskin event! There are races and then there are Bustinskin races.

For anyone who loves a good laugh with a great community of like minded crazy people I really recommend giving one of their races a go.
Home of Dorset's leading triathlon and events these guys go to great lengths to make sure everyone has an awesome and memorable day.
The race itself was called the Dirty Devil Stampede; which saw us tracing the tracks of the army tanks  (not at the same time I may add). There was ALOT of mud, some delightful icy puddles that reached up to your waist, and a clamber up the knife edge. The land is ordinarily reserved as an army training ground which certainly gave it an interesting terrain. For those who really did want to get down and dirty there was also a 20 km option too - Maybe next year!!!!

The Knife Edge

From now on when it comes to running races, i'm only really interested in running ones just like this; ones that have a little something about them. After all no one wants a life that's all too vanilla!!
My mindset with running has definitely shifted just lately, and I definitely noticed it was less of a slog this time round. It's never been an activity I've particularly enjoyed in the past, but I've learnt something that's similar to how i'm learning to live my life.
At my own pace.
Historically I used to try and keep up with someone, burning out in the first few miles and ending up feeling like a really bad runner. That was when I realised we all run over the same finish line and get the same medal. The real race is only with ourselves.

To be a runner all you actually need to do is pop on some trainers (and a damn good sports bra) put one step in front of the other at a slight pace. And guess what you're a runner. Who cares if you're not giving Paula Radcliffe a run for her money, you're doing it at your pace and that's what matters. The important part is you're enjoying your own journey and doing it your way.

What ever in life you're working on or training for right now, do so at your own pace. Have role models but don't compare yourself to someone else's journey. Don't wish for something someone else has, but work on what you have and what you want to bring to your life.

A little Intro...

Photo Credit: Ashleigh Mello - Instagram

In 2016 my life was flipped on it's head. A 10 years relationship was whipped from beneath my feet overnight (what a guy!!!). The life I currently knew was no longer mine, and the prospects of starting over were damn right terrifying.
Events that followed over the next few months only exacerbated those fears.. I did what I could to stay afloat. Seemingly a default setting of someone my age I was also suffering from anxiety and a severe lack of self confidence. (Stay with me, I promise i'm not a complete mood hoover!)
As someone who has always been super ambitious, to suddenly feel so lost is a scary feeling. I didn't know which way to turn, or what the next step looked like.

One thing I knew was that despite not knowing which direction I wanted to turn, or what the next chapter of my life looked like,  I refused just to stay still.
I started signing up for challenges... Sky dives, marathons and even signed up to return to college on an evening course.

Everytime I set myself these goals, tasks and sometimes absurdities, I was faced with the same questions from those around me -
" How on earth are you going to do that". My go to response was always W I N G I N G   I T !!
Even with medals in hand and a new diploma added to  my bank of qualifications, I still hadn't figured out which direction I wanted to head. I just knew I was winging it back to me.

I learnt the most about myself during these challenges. As someone who is a big worrier (the kind that worries that they have nothing to worry about somedays.... * there must be something*!!) I learnt to challenge my natural tendencies to worry, and turn them into excitement and intrigue.
One of the biggest challenges for me is to stop feeling like a situation has to be perfect before giving it a go. Embracing that fumbling through the unknown can sometimes be the most exciting part, where you gain the most personal growth and the incredible places it can take you.

One thing that has kept popping up over  the last few years was to restart a blog; a place to express my thoughts and experiences. Not to mention a place to document the somewhat hilarious dating experiences I was having.  I kept putting it off for the very fear of it not being perfect. For the fear of what people would say, and what people think. Well guess what.... that fear is being turned into that excitement and intrigue I've been working on. 2020 and turning 30 has kick started the year of getting s*** done.
So here I am Winging It through and seeing where life takes me next.

Have you had a similar experience where you've held yourself back for so long and then all of a sudden you get a burst of inspiration?